The Annual G-A-Y Pool Party – 13 Aug 2011 @ Heaven (London)
With Latino-B.itch still partying hard in Brazil, then it was up to Tall.B.itch to entertain friends from Paris, France, in our chic-b.itchin city of London. After a hard days ‘Le Shopping’ it was The Yard that provided a packed bar and even more packed smoking terrace on the day that “everyone” went to Brighton Pride. We find Brighton a little too parochial for our tastes but it does have a handy nudist beach full of fat older men! Our friend arrived to keep my, cough, smoker buddy company and proudly displayed his Lo-Profile wrist band. So upon witching hour of 11.15 pm, we headed over to Profile bar – only to find they stopped serving in the main bar just as it was our turn @ 11.30pm!
My friend from Paris was a little more than amazed - as on Friday night we had had a less than impressive visit to The Village. Arriving we found Heidi Licious and two Go Go boys dancing to some kind of Country & Western music on the bar – thankfully it did improve music-wise. But not having been to that venue in about three years we found the clientele a right mixed bag and it closed at 1.00am huh? So I needed a quick win to get back my b.itchin reputation.
Pointing out my friends Lo-Profile wristband he looked at it in amazement, as he thought it was for Heaven! That will teach him to stop at the first twink he fancies on Old Compton St. But Heaven seemed the more natural choice of a more middle of the road night for our French friends who had ‘liked’ it when they lived here 3 years ago – and that was the last time I had partied there too.
So with £3 entry wrist bands on offer outside G-A-Y bar and we set off to beat any queue. At 11.45 there wasn’t one – and it was pleasant security, not the old Heaven secret police style - and even a free BBQ on entry. If we’d been wearing speedos it would have been free entry, but then we might have caused a riot walking down Shaftsbury Avenue.
Coming back to the revamped format of G-A-Y Heaven made me slightly nervous of course, I have always hated the cheesiness in clubs or a too young excitable crowd and hate ‘compares’ and stuff – hence we don’t go to local bars either – I suppose we have been spoiled by the big professional productions of SuperMartXe and We Party. But I’ve a soft spot for the venue of Heaven after dancing to DJ Pagano and Nick Tcherniak all night long years before.
Thankfully it was a swift cash desk operation and then in for a tiny cloak room queue. A well attended main bar which led us through an archway into the main room – playing commercial beats/house (I think) but it was upbeat, vocal and funky enough to get our bums giggling. And oh heavens this was Pool Party night, not that I had paid much attention to that fact, and there is the centre of the dance floor was a large metre deep pool – complete with life guard security staff. Kind of suits an Ibiza or Barcelona outdoor club more but if some people get their kicks out of it, why not – there were a few hotties that came out nicely drenched and slid past us on the dancefloor. But they weren’t the only bits of hot stuff and slowly but surely the tops started to come off and there was a good selection of fit twink bodies on display. One friend commented that there was too much ming on display, apart from asking what that word meant, and nearly fainting, but I felt it was not too overwhelming but more balanced than the Vauxhall clubs which makes Heaven a more welcoming inclusive environment.
The seating booths in the main bar are a great place to get to chat to people but we wanted more and ventured upstairs to find RnB pumping out to a fairly packed room which got our French contingent shaking their ass, but we didn’t stay long and went up one more level to find a less than full ‘star bar’ playing something I can’t even remember and did an immediate u turn.
It was then that we came back down and through into the main room’s bar near the VIP room – which unfortunately our French guests were shooed away from, and up into a ‘games room’ - interesting – although the sofa seats were mighty comfortable to have a lil snuggle on. Here though we watched cute topless twinks play pool, but then lost interest as not so twinky, ‘keep your shirt on’ XXL types took over and ruined the view. Through this space was the fourth room playing it seemed 80’s pop in a misty atmosphere. We withdrew to the bar at the end of the main floor and waited an age to be served but managed to chat to two Spanish twinks who didn’t get the jokes about ‘how many days you been waiting’ but the blonde boy who was in cruising us in overdrive certainly did.
Back onto the main dance floor which is a good size, the DJ booth is a bit remote up high looking down on us but the floor was nicely full and since it was Pool Party it meant there was not going to be any stage show - or big X factor name, that I wouldn’t know, to spoil the party. The stage was full of happy dancers - but there were also plenty of low level podiums and places to stand and be seen – and we certainly were well cruised and were getting plenty of attention from an Italian Brazilian who’s friend whispered ‘my friend really likes you’ awww it’s so sweet – it’s like School Disco once more! But as 4.00am arrived it was time to drag the tired French party goers back home and exited swiftly before my other lanky teenager stalker of the night noticed.
So a revisit to Heaven as G-A-Y was actually a pleasant experience for a central London evening out. A good club layout, a bit of music policy for everyone and unbelievable cheap pricing to get in, an enthusiastic crowd who were kind on the eyes – the old dodgy geezers in raincoats of Heaven old seemed to be absent. Whether this was a completely different G-AY Heaven experience on Brighton Pride day we aren’t sure - but the main room music suited our taste without a star performing and there was enough variation for a wander around. You never know, the SceneB.itches could come back here, but not before we’ve checked out Lo-Profile first.
